


Gone But Still Here

by 20weit



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: F/M, NCIS Los Angeles - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-02-27 18:03:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18744247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20weit/pseuds/20weit
Summary: Kensi and Deeks are married and they have a 2-year-old. Kensi is undercover and while undercover she loses her memory of her and seeks getting married but she does have vague memories of their child. I don’t know where this story is going so I hope you enjoy





	1. Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> So basically, this story started off as an English short story assignment with no relation to NCIS LA but then it became a fan fiction because I thought it would be a perfect plot line. I am still attending school so any chapter updates might be a little slow. thumbs up if like it and leave comments as well.

 

* * *

 

**Kensi POV**

 

The last thing I remember was a bang as if something had blown up and the feeling of pain ripping through my body as if a million little bullets had just hit me. The next thing I know I’m hospital and there a small child clinging to me as if I am their life support. I still can’t hear anything, other than a constant ringing. At least I know I’m alive. But I still have no idea how I got here, what happened to me and why is there a god damned child sleeping next to me.

 

**3 weeks earlier.**

It was the last day before I went undercover and all I wanted to do was sleep in and enjoy the last day that I had with my family before I left. I remember being woken up with the smell of fresh coffee and pancakes. As if on cue a tiny ball of energy came running through the doorway in the form of a 2-year old wanting to have some morning cuddles with her mamma before she goes undercover. The small soft hands of the young girl reached up to the bed, silently asking for help to climb the gigantic mattress. Over the next month or so I would not be able to have these sweet moments with her daughter that I would miss the most, well this and waking up in the arms of the man I love most in this world and arguably the next.

 

**Present time at the hospital**

All these memories evaporated the moment I opened my eyes and finding myself in a hospital bed. So, I’m lying there with no clue how to wake this small child and tell her that I have no idea who she and who I am to her. The ringing in my head turned into a continuous pounding that got louder and louder as I feared that I may wake the child up and finding out why she is still clinging to me as if I mean something to her and that could happen if I make any sudden movements. Shortly after contemplating who this child is a nurse comes in to check vitals and whatever else she needs to check. Hopefully she will be able to tell me why I’m in the hospital as well as tell me who the parents of this child are so she can be returned unharmed. After the nurse slowly goes through all her checks she finally tells me the answers I’ve been waiting for.

 

So apparently, I was working an undercover operation involving a low-level drug ring when one of the members got suspicious and took out half of the ring and left the rest to die. The nurse told me that I had been in a coma for a week and I had surgery to remove a bullet that broke a couple of ribs, while explaining the whole reason I was in the hospital she never once mentioned any children being involved in this op, before I could ask her about the child she continued telling me about my coma when she said that my husband and daughter have been basically living in the hospital since they were notified that I was in the hospital and only leaving when other loved ones took over watching over me while in my coma. And in that moment, it seemed like the earth was in retrograde in walks a tall blonde with ocean blue eyes and a smirk full of hope and something else that I couldn’t quite place.

 

**Deeks POV ~ 1 Week into Kensi OP**

Over the last week it seemed like Kensi was never coming home from her undercover op. As much as I loved spending time at home with Monty and his daughter just running around and having fun it did take its toll when you have to answer questions from a confused toddler regarding the whereabouts of her mother. Most days there would only be the occasional "Dada where Mamma" or "Why Mamma no here" and on other days there would be full on melt downs because a sweet innocent child just wanted to see her Mamma but couldn't understand that her mother was currently busy infiltrating a low-level drug ring to help gather intel on other rings in the streets of LA.

**Deeks POV ~ Present time**

After calling a long call updating everyone on Kensi I slowly make my way back to Kensi in her room so I can watch over her until someone else decides to show up and take over. When I'm a couple metres away from the door that opens to Kensi's room I find that the door is already open and all I feel is dread that someone has come to finish what they have started, luckily only the nurse in there who seems to be staring at his wife. Getting closer to the entrance of the room I noticed that the nurse was actually talking to Kensi, the fact that the nurse was talking to Kensi gave me a small beacon of hope that she had finally woken up and was asking why the hell she was in the hospital and why she isn't at home or staying at the safe house she was assigned for the undercover. 

As soon as I entered I was overjoyed to see Kensi sitting up and listening to the end of what the nurse was saying, without thinking I walked over to Kensi and sat on the bed waiting to see if she would say some smart yet sassy quip, but instead I saw the panic and wariness in her eyes, those are two things that you don't see on Kensi Marie Blye-Deeks eyes very often. However, this seemed different as if she was afraid of saying the wrong thing or if making any sudden movement would trigger something, that was the moment that I knew that Kensi was not Kensi.

The Kensi that I love was gone and yet still here at the same time. 

* * *

 

 

 

   


	2. Memories within

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing new just a bit of fluff between Kensi and Dakota and some flashbacks of Kensi's life before the hospital. 
> 
>  
> 
> hope you like it and enjoy

Chapter 2

**Kensi POV**

It’s been a couple of days since waking up at the hospital and honestly, I have to say that I am done with being cooped up in this insanely boring room day after day. The only interesting thing to do when lying in a hospital bed is to watch whatever is on TV and lately every channel seems to be playing old re-runs of shows and even now that’s become so boring so now the only thing that I can look forward to is seeing the two blonde bombshells that come to visit me almost every day. I learn more about them every time they come to see me.

***Flashback to last visit***

I was sitting up in bed trying to eat the hospital sludge that was meant to be food when I hear familiar giggles of young blonde that has started to grow on me. Today was the day that I learnt my daughter’s name. Dakota Riley Deeks. Even though I can’t remember anything from the past experiences that I’ve had with her I can still feel an uncanny bond between us. A bond full of love and joy. That day I spent with just my daughter. Yes, Deeks or Marty I’m still not sure which one I prefer, popped in a few times but other than that it was just me and Kota.

For most of the day we just snuggled and watched Disney classics. After a couple of movies, we played a game of ‘truth or dare’ where the dares mostly consisted of “Mamma, I dares yous to gibe me a hug” and truths like “Mamma how much do yous wove me” whereas I chose to ask truths that would give more information about the life I once had before this hospital room. When the visiting hours came to an end and Deeks came to pick Dakota, she had a meltdown and started screaming and crying because she didn’t want to go home if her mom wasn’t coming.

It was cute that she didn’t want to leave but at the same time it made a part of my heart break because I didn’t want to see the kid that I lov – I like very deeply to be so upset about having to go home without me.

“Nooo! Dada no! I wanna stay wif mamma!” that was what Kota said while pleading to her father with her puppy dog face. When Deeks told Kota that she would be able to see her mamma tomorrow she calmed down a little bit but she still had tears running down her cheeks and every now and then she would make a small whimpering noise.

Saying my last goodbyes, I hugged Kota close to me and told her that she needed to be good for her dad as well as wishing her goodnight with a kiss to her forehead.

When I went to give her to Deeks she hugged me tighter and whispered “love you mamma” with that I gave her once last kiss and replied with “see you tomorrow baby girl” this time she willingly let go of me and sat at the edge of my bed while Deeks said goodbye.

Our interactions with each other are still a little awkward but I’ve come to terms that he was a part of my life before I ended up in hospital and that I’m kinda glad he’s here.

He gave me a hug and kissed the top of my head as he left. Just before leaving my room he gave me a goofy grin. “Next time you and me should share the whole day together, until then.”

***End of flashback ***

Today I didn’t get any visits from Kota and Deeks but I did get a nurse come in and tell me that the reason why they couldn’t visit today was because Kota was feeling sick and running a temperature so they are both at home trying to chase away the “sick monsters”. So today I thought I’d get up off my ass and ask the nurse to take me to the hospital gym. Even though I don’t have to do any physical therapy I just wanted to get into a routine, because if I had to stay in that hospital room for one more day without doing something new I think I would have gone back into a boredom induced coma.

After a few hours in the gym talking to other patience and doing a long workout I made it back to my room where a fresh set of clothes, which was surprising because the clothes were just ordinary sweatpants and what looked to be an old shirt that had a faded L.A.P.D printed onto the front of it. Just as I collected the clothes and headed to the private bathroom that joined onto my room, a nurse walked in. she must have seen me walk back into my room. When I turned around to look at her she noticed the clothes in my hand and said that my husband thought that I would want some actual clothes to wear instead of the uncomfortable hospital clothes.

The only thing that went through my head was “damn, he means it when he says that I’m an open book”. I thanked the nurse and continue to the bathroom to shower and change into the new clothes. Once I finished in the bathroom I slowly made my way over to the bed and crawled in.

Not long after darkness clouded my vision as I slipped into a deep sleep. As I slept flashes of Dakota and Deeks sprang to life, those images were filled with joy and laughter but they seemed real and it felt like I had already witnessed what my brain showed me. While I dreamt something dark and cold flooded my sleep.

It felt painful and sad. It felt like I was witnessing Kota and Deeks being ripped away from me just as they got me back, and I couldn’t do anything to stop the feeling. In that moment, the penny dropped and I awoke in a cold sweat. The hospital monitors were going haywire, within seconds an army of nurses came in and checked on my condition, and made sure that I was okay.

As the last nurse left she informed me that they could call Deeks and ask him to come in. I immediately declined and brushed it off with he’s probably sleeping and nothing really happened so why bother calling.

I laid my head back on the pillow and once again sleep overcame me.

This time as I slept I saw what looked light Deeks trying to teach Kota how to walk. There were other snippets but this time it was of Deeks standing at an alter looking directly at me, then there was another flash of Kota but she looked small and afraid, I noticed that there was tears in her eyes and she was clutching stuffed toy that looked like a fox but I couldn’t quite tell. I stayed in this dream for a while, I could feel strong arms around my waist, when I turned my head I saw Deeks sleeping peacefully with the occasional nose twitch. I turned back to Dakota, she now had her arms raised and a with a small shaky voice she said “mamma… c-can I stay wif you an dada. I had a b-bad dreawm and I scared”. I picked her up with ease and held her close to my chest as we started to drift back to sleep.

When I opened my eyes, I was no longer holding Dakota. In fact, I was no longer in the same bed, I opened my eyes to the early morning sun seeping in through my hospital window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments if you guys want something to happen in the story


	3. Can only take so much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i know two chapters in one day WOW! but this chapter did make me sad as i was writing so i apologise in advance for the sad mood around this chapter
> 
> hope you enjoy

Chapter 3

**Deeks POV**

I was woken up by the sound of thunder as the nights storm raged on. My first instinct was to make sure that Dakota was alright, seeing that she is terrified by storms and always ends up in bed with her parents and sometimes even Monty.

 

I made my way down the hall to Dakotas room only to stop because a light from the downstairs living room caught my eye. Deciding that the living room would be more promising I quietly walked down the stairs to the living room.

 

As I made my way towards the light next to the couch I found my sweet little baby girl curled up with a photo of the three of us and her mother’s favourite blanket. The site almost brought me to tears. How could a 2-year-old be so resilient and understanding in these circumstances. Without jostling her too much I picked Dakota up and walked her up the stairs to my room. When I placed Dakota into bed I found her staring up at me with unshed tears in her eyes. As she looked between me and the photo in her hands the tears started rolling down her chubby little cheeks. After a few seconds, she slid off the bed and ran as fast as her little legs would carry her. As I followed her back to the living room I found her still holding the photo but this time she was sitting at the door. I came and sat down next to her. All I could think about was how long she had lasted before going into a complete meltdown. My poor baby was trying to be so strong even though she was pushed into the deep end with this whole situation, as if the world wanted her to grow up before she had a chance to experience the world.

I was pulled out of my thought when Dakota grabbed my arms and tried to pull me closer to the door. After a couple of tugs, she gives up. I pull Dakota into my arms and let her cry.

After what seems like forever she finally stops crying. I loosen my grip on her and ask her what is wrong.

 

 The only reply that I get is a soft whimpered “mamma”.  

 

After hearing everything I needed to hear I picked Dakota up walked to her room to get some warm clothes then got changed into some clothes that weren’t my pjs grabbed some twinkies for the road and left for the hospital.

 

It us an hour to get to the hospital even at the late hour. When I walked into reception the nurse there almost turned me away when I asked for the visitors sign in sheet. However, once she saw the look on Dakotas face she willing gave me the sheet and pen. I walked the short distance to Kensi’s room and turned on one of the laps next to the armchair and lifted Dakota up next to Kensi. Before I could do anything, Kota had climbed under the bed sheets and clung to her mother for dear life. Not long after our arrival Kensi started waking up, as she opened her eyes I saw the pure joy that erupted from Dakota.

 

It took Kensi a couple of seconds to realise what was happening. I watched as Kensi sat up in her bed and just look at me with a confused expression.

 

**Kensi POV**

I was woken up by the feeling of pressure around my waist. As I opened my eyes I found that Dakota was clinging to me and that Deeks was watching with a sad expression on his face. When I sat up I saw a glimpse of Kota’s face, her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were flushed. I looked to Deeks as if to ask him what had happened but Dakota beat him to it.

 

“mamma, I miss yous. When is yous coming home? Why you not betterer? Mamma I wants yous home. Do yous not wove me anymore?”

 

After her last question, I almost broke down. How could this sweet innocent child be so profoundly conscious to what is happening around her. Without hesitation, I pulled Dakota up to chest and held her as tight as could, and told her that I’m here now and everything is going to be alright. Dakota looked up at me and put a sad smile on her face, then she snuggled closer to me and started drifting off to sleep. When she was sound asleep I then took the opportunity to ask Deeks what had happened.

 

I sat there waiting for him to tell me everything that happened. Deeks explained that Dakota hates thunder storms and usually spends the night in ‘our’ bed. As he continued he told me about the otherworldly meltdown that occurred even though Kota barely said a word when she had her meltdown. After about an hour or so of explaining his Deeks looked exhausted and ready to pass out.

 

So, I took a leap of faith and told him that there was plenty of space in the bed. After watching him contemplate whether it was a good idea he finally conceded and hopped into bed and something clicked.

 

It was as if the final piece of the puzzle had been put into place to create the perfect picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment any ideas or feelings on the story so far

**Author's Note:**

> Leave comment down below  
> these were the names that i was thinking of for Kensi and Deeks' daughter:  
> \- Emma  
> \- Ava  
> -Dakota  
> -Thea  
> \- Madeline


End file.
